Mirrors
by Ice Feather Falling
Summary: I suffer from anxiety. This is a warriors story based off of my anxiety, my good and bad. My Light and Dark. Also, this story updates very very very slowwwwwlllllyyyyyyyyyyy... buffering... buffering
1. Me, Aster

**This is my newest story. I just wanted to say, this story has really come from my heart. This is why.**

 **I am depressed.**

 **I am depressed about my life.**

 **I am scared.**

 **I suffer from severe anxiety disorder. I am so scared. All the time. Horror movies flash on TV and scar me for life. I am paranoid, not sleeping at night, I have become an insomniac. It kills me. I know it's not real. But I can't make myself believe that.**

 **In this story you will truly learn about me. I have two halves- Light and Dark- in my head. Light tells me no, Moony, stop believing. Because believing is seeing. Seeing the darkness. Sometimes you need to know what is worth believing.**

 **I believed in fourth grade, in the wrong kind of magic.**

 **I am in sixth grade now, a mere shell of my before self, scared, on the edge. My friends don't understand. In fact, it all started with my friends. Who aren't my friends now, of course.**

 **I need someone to understand. My parents are there for me but I cannot hide in them forever, no matter how many times I run to their room in the middle of the night, how many times I cry and yell I can't leave them.**

 **You might feel sad for me now.**

 **So this story is about my head. Good and Evil.**

 **This story comes from my heart, from my soul.**

 **From the Light and Dark within me.**

Light and Dark.

When you sit upon a cliff of existence and wonder how you became this way. Born into light, hatred for the dark. But now you've come all this way and you sit in nothing at all, floating through Time, wondering what happened. Because now you are stuck in the middle.

 _"The light breaks through the night,  
And always will show you,  
The way, through the dark." _

"Mama." I meow, as she stops her lullaby. My eyelids are heavy with sleep, my body relaxed and solely comfortable, waiting to sleep with peace.

"Yes, my child?"

"I don't want to go to sleep." I mutter. She smiles, a bright, sweet thing. A ray of sunshine.

"But you must. Otherwise you will not enjoy tomorrow." She meows, curling up against me. I wriggle out from her grasp and run to the hole in the stone den, staring out at the navy blue sky.

I breathed in sharply.

"What's out there?" I squeak, as a fluffy tail pulls me backwards and into my nest.

"Nothing to be afraid of. Just..." She trailed off, her green eyes dreamy. "Just what?" I push.

"Darkclan." The name sends shudders up my spine. My mother turns to me, and the glow in her eyes resumes.

"Sleep."


	2. Scars

**A little more clarity on this story. It's my journey through depression.**

 **In a slightly different than regular Warrior story. Many things, like the-**

 **Okay. I honestly trust everyone reading this.**

 **It started in fourth grade. I had moved to a new school. I used to be a happy, brave kid. We went around in a circle saying things about our weekend. This kid, named (changing name) Bob, said that he watched Annabelle 3. I was friends with these girls who were pretty popular. (Rosepaw is based off one) Everyone looked grim, so I asked them what it was. They told me to search it up.**

 **So lemme say, I had done a pretty good job of keeping away from Horror. I had never experienced it.**

 **So I searched it up. Many of you may know the movie I am talking about, for those who don't- please don't dig into it if you don't want nightmares.**

 **Because that day I got scarred for life.**

 **My friends showed me no mercy, continuously jumpscaring me with pictures of the doll's face. I was so paranoid- I got scared of everything. Commercials on TV, anything, enough to blow the crap out of my brain.**

 **I evolved into a souless, mindless freak. Always scared. I stayed inside. I couldn't do anything. I developed major anxiety.**

 **That's when the bullying began. It started with those three girls, eventually evolving. I was terrified. I had nightmares every night. I never told my parents.**

 **This went on for two years straight- the depression, anxiety, bullying. I became suicidal- but I never hurt myself.**

 **One day I drew the final straw and told my parents.**

 **We moved.**

 **I went to a new school. I made real friends.**

 **But I could never get rid of my fear. No matter what I did. I still had that anxiety.**

 **It never went away. Please don't feel bad for me. :)**

 **Read and Review please.**

Battle? War?

My clanmates rushed around me, but not in the air of excitement. Unease. I sat in the midst of it all, not knowing what to do or where to go. Who should I ask? I had chosen to be blissfully unaware of my surroundings as I flounced through my Reflection Training.  
A mistake on my part.

"It's a battle." A familiar voice mew. I spun on my paws-nearly tripping a young kit, to face her. Rosepaw, another Reflection In-Training, was leaning against the entrance to the Dark Stone cave and ripping into a wood mouse.

I padded over, curious. I waited expectantly.

She swallowed, licking her paw and drawing it across her muzzle.

"Oh. Don't know what a battle is?" She meowed, a hidden snicker to her mew. I offered a tiny shrug, but a feeling of dread was already building up on my chest. The feeling was something I had rarely experienced before, and it didn't feel right. Almost like I was about to drown.

"You'll see, Asterpaw." She mewed. When her russet colored head bent over her meal, I knew from the mood she was giving off that we were done talking. _Maybe it'll be fun._

But as I looked at the serious expressions on my clanmates faces, I could tell it was anything but that.

 _Help me._

I'm drowning in my own tears. In my own blood. I feel like I'm twisted- twisted beyond imagining.

Scars rake my silver pelt. Angry and red. Blistering.

A buzzing rings in my ears. Bluish bruises against my spine, a mangled claw, caked with dry blood the color of mud. I'm spinning.

"I'm fine." Is what I tell anyone.

"It was fun." Is what I tell my friends.

 _Kill me._ Is what my brain screams. It's silent plea to those around me.

I can't bare the images in my mind anymore.

Irontooth, Icyfang, Littlemoon, and Grassclaw.

The four bodies lay in front of me, necks twisted at wrong angles, the gruesome scene of blood pouring from their necks still fresh and alive in my memories. Poppy seeds don't calm me down. I eat two and scatter the rest, banging my head against walls of the Dark Stone cave.

I shiver violently at night, tossing and turning and hearing screeches of unreal warriors dying.

Different nights bring me different scenes- Swimming in a tide of blood, rabid dogs with claws the length of camp chasing me, the limp bodies of my parents after being killed by a hundred soldiers of the dark.

I stutter through life, images I'm not sure are real swimming in my vision. Red tinged moments where my heart beat so fast it could have raced a fish and won. Pretending I'm fine in front of my littermates and parents when really I'm crazy.

Am I?

Crazy?


End file.
